A List of Metals.

-24th Sun of the 1st Astral Moon

I’m not going to write about U’xi any longer. I believe for the time being this book will be better served for work purposes than to rant about my feelings into. I fear that should I do so, I might lose myself to rage.

So, a list of the metals that we know in Eorzea, and some that perhaps we do not.

  • Adamantite

A rare metal found only in Azys Lla. Oft smelted with Darksteel. Fashioned into tools and weapons of impeccable quality.

 

  • Aurum Regis

A rare precious metal found only in the Churning Mists. Oft smelted with gold. Fashioned into jewellery of impeccable quality.

 

  • Belah’dian Silver

Silver tempered in a way lost to the ages. This tempering process makes it surprisingly heat-resistant.

 

  • Blue Mythril

A rare variety of mythril which emits a soft blue light. Unknown whether or not the luminescence transfers to items fashioned from it. (Let’s go with it, it sounds cool.)

 

  • Brass

A precious alloy of copper and zinc. Fashioned into the layman’s jewellery.

 

  • Bronze

An alloy of copper and tin. Fashioned into the layman’s tools and weaponry.

 

  • Cermet

A Garlean alloy. Renowned for heat, cold and shock absorption. Oft used as airship plating.

 

  • Chalcocite

A rare black ore containing copper, iron and saltpetre. Found in the Dravanian Forelands.

 

  • Cobalt

A strong metal forged into elite adventurer’s arms and armour. Oft smelted with other metals to produce a multitude of different alloys, such as Wolfram and Garlond Steel. Found in the northern reaches of Thanalan.

 

  • Copper

A common metal oft forged into the layman’s jewellery. It is also forged into the alloys of brass, bronze and rose gold. Found in many places. A favourite snack of Spriggans.

 

  • Cuprite

A rare, translucent red copper. It has no practical uses. Found in the Dravanian Hinterlands.

 

  • Darksteel

A rare metal forged into elite adventurer’s arms and armour. Oft found in Allagan constructions. Incredibly durable and retains an edge almost indefinitely.

 

  • Electrum

A plentiful precious metal found in the upper reaches of Las Noscea. Fashioned into jewellery for nobility and those with coin.

 

  • Fool’s Furite

A bright red ore, similar in appearance to Furite. Serves no practical purpose.

 

  • Furite

A metal found in Coerthas. Necessary in forging Ishgardian steel, it lends heat-resistant properties to the metal.

 

  • Gold

A precious metal. May be smelted with Aurum Regis. Found sparsely in many places.

 

  • Garlond Steel

A lightweight alloy of cobalt and vivianite iron. Used in the construction of airships. Fuck you Cid.

 

  • Garlean Steel

An unknown steel alloy. Remarkably light and shock resistant.

 

  • Hardsilver

A precious metal. Oft smelted with plain silver. Fashioned into jewellery of outstanding quality.

 

  • Iron

A common hard metal. Oft smelted with other metals such as Cobalt, and Titanium to strengthen them. Found in many places. A favourite snack of Coblyns.

 

  • Ishgardian Steel

A traditional Ishgardian alloy. It is unique in its resistance to both rust and heat. A small amount of Furite is included with the iron to lend these properties.

 

  • Kidney Iron

A type of ore rich in impure iron. Incredibly common. Oft employed in forges where obtaining higher quality irons prove difficult.

 

  • Lancite

A strange manner of ore, it forms the shape of miniature needles or lance heads. Used as shrapnel for Ishgard’s Bertha Cannons.

 

  • Limonite

An ore containing a large quantity of rusted iron. It serves no practical purpose, but possesses deodorising properties.

 

  • Mythril

An uncommon metal oft forged into hardened adventurer’s arms. May be smelted with Mythrite. Found in the Sagolii Desert and within the mountains of Coerthas.

 

  • Mythrite

A rare Coerthan metal that may be a purer form of Mythril. Oft smelted with plain Mythril. Found in the Coerthan Highlands.

 

  • Nashachite

An exceedingly rare gemstone, a deep green in colour. Named after the eyes of the former Sultana, Nanasha Ul Nasha.

 

  • Peacock Copper

A rare ore containing a high amount of copper. May be smelted with gold to create the alloy rose gold.

 

  • Platinum

An immensely rare precious metal. Oft found within Allagan garments. Fashioned into jewellery of untold value. Few veins have been discovered in the southern reaches of Thanalan.

 

  • Pommel Ore

Allegedly a new ore wrought by the Calamity, or one that lay hidden. Little to nothing is known about this ore, save its hardness. It may be found in the region known as ‘The Daggers’ in the Dravanian Hinterlands.

 

  • Pyrite

This ore contains combinations of iron and sulphur, resulting in a foul stench when forged. Serves no practical purpose. Could be found in the western reaches of Vylbrand before the Calamity, however now it may be found in the Dravanian Forelands.

 

  • Rose Gold

A precious alloy of copper and gold. Fashioned into jewellery for the upper class.

 

  • Scheelite

A strange blue ore that glows for short amounts of time, randomly. Perhaps related to Blue Mythril?

 

  • Silver

An uncommon precious metal. May be smelted with hardsilver. Fashioned into jewellery for the middle class.

  • Smithsonite

An ore found in the Sea of Clouds. It possesses an incredibly high zinc content.

  • Sphalerite

Ore heavy in both zinc and iron. Smelted to strengthen titanium further.

 

  • Steel

An alloy of iron and carbon. Oft smelted with grenade or bomb ashes. Fashioned into arms and armour for the veteran adventurer.

 

  • Tin

A common metal oft forged into the alloy of bronze. Sometimes fashioned into cheap tools and jewellery. A favoured snack of coblyns.

 

  • Titanium

A rare metal oft smelted with iron. Fashioned into weapons and armour of outstanding quality. May be smelted with zinc to further increase durability.

 

  • Vivianite

A dusky blue ore rich in irons. Oft found amidst the long-dead remains of wavekin. May be smelted into a lightweight steel alloy.

 

  • Wolfram

An alloy of cobalt, scheelite, and the mineral ferberite. Fashioned into arms and armour for the elite adventurer.

 

  • Wootz

A naturally occuring alloy. Wootz is found commonly in Allagan constructions, alongside Darksteel and Platinum. Boasts durability and excellent aetheroconductive properties.

 

  • Yellow Copper

An ore containing a mix of copper, iron and sulphur, producing a ripe stench when forged. Serves no practical use.

 

  • Zinc

A nigh-worthless metal smelted with copper to create brass, or with titanium to form a stronger alloy.

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Drunk.

-22nd Sun of the 1st Astral Moon

[The handwriting here is worse than usual and the penmanship overall is incredibly sloppy, with inkblots left, right and centre.]

R’das Saharzh, the woman who cannot be happy. It’s got a good ring to it. One that fits. The more I think about it the more right it sounds like it is right.

What even is happiness? Love? Money? Friends? All of them? Work?

I don’t fucking know any more

I’m tired. Booze doesn’t hurt me. Booze doesn’t take me for granted or whatever the fuck it is that everybody else is doing these days.

I remember when I used to drink hot chocolate and eat cinnamon buns when I was upset. I used to want to curl up on pillows with friends and just be alone with them. Now I just want to actually be left alone. I have booze and sadness and that’s all I feel now. What the fuck even happened? Is that a question I can ask? Who the fuck is going to answer? Thal?

AND ALL THIS WRITING JUST HURTS MY FUCKING HAND DID NOBODY TELL ME HOW TO HOLD A FUCKING QUILL

Fuck it I’m done.

More complaining.

-21st Sun of the 1st Astral Moon

Here we are again, I suppose. I have nothing to write about that isn’t just me bitching at everything ever. I’m not happy with U’xi anymore. I wish I’d taken the time to actually get to know her before jumping into this, but that opportunity has been and gone.

It’s becoming more and more apparent that she doesn’t care for how I feel, and only seems interested in fulfilling her own little fantasy of having the girl that she’s wanted for so long. I feel sorry for Zho. She’s going to have to deal with the fallout here.

In other news, we took down Jiggy’s tree without issue. Reppu managed to locate which of the present boxes he had decided to sleep in and carried it away while me and another Miqo’te carried the tree out. Reppu’s strength potions are making things incredibly convenient, even if alchemical compounds do have a history of undesirable effects on me.

Unfortunately, Jiggy had to be bribed with a throne, which he now sits upon. I don’t know where Reppu got a replica of the Allagan Emperor’s throne, and I’m not going to ask. The only thing I’m a little concerned over is that the moment Jiggy sat upon it, he expressed interest in obtaining a large, red rock. So far it seems a Dalamud Popoto will suffice. I don’t think this will end well when it starts to perish.

 

A while back, Fenix and Taalla stopped me from removing my negative emotions. I had a plan to use a neurolink to cut off that part of my mind and make my life easier, but now I wonder what I was thinking. ADS seems to be interested in continuing the work on the project for other use, but I’m not so sure it’s something I should be meddling in. Perhaps a new project is in order there.

 

So much of this journal has been negative. I wonder if I’ll ever have a string of positive entries. Perhaps not until I make changes to everything, until I find a way to be happier. I can’t, though. I don’t know what it is. Maybe Thal is just desperate for company and wants me to join him so soon, but I can’t do that either; I’d just leave behind distraught friends, and then nobody would be around to stop Jiggy.

I wonder if anybody knows…

Zzz.

-17th sun of the 1st Astral Moon

I slept all day.

It was awesome.

Honestly I still feel conflicted on how I feel about Xi. She understands me–mostly. When it’s just the two of us, we talk well just generally mesh, but I’m starting to think that if I want to be around my friends, then either I don’t do it with her around, or I just accept the fact that she’s grossly inconsiderate.

She keeps up with the touching and the snuggling in public, even though I’m not comfortable with it. That alone isn’t really enough to make me ask her to stop, but when I know it’s making other people uncomfortable it’s where I want to draw the line. I don’t like attention at the best of times, let alone when it’s because I have some horny Keeper kissing my neck.

I suppose I’ll talk to her about it with a clearer head now. Writing really does seem to help me collect my thoughts. I can write them down, calm down and read them again with a new perspective.

Perhaps I should just tell her that we rushed it too much, and that I think we need to slow things down and see how they play out, especially in regards to how we treat those who are close to the other. I don’t like her so-called “family”, and she allegedly wants to like the Winds group, but I’ve seen little in her behaviour to suggest that’s true.

 

On other topics, I plan to try and take Jiggy’s tree down tomorrow. Twelve save me.

Nevermind.

-16th Sun of the 1st Astral Moon

So much for all of that. U’xi seems incapable of actually functioning like any kind of normal person. She’s Ki’lari, only slightly more tolerable. All I feel right now is regret, and even though she’s made an attempt at soothing words I still don’t feel like I’ve made the right choice.

To sum it up, U’xi is now residing at the Winds Estate for the foreseeable future. She’s already overstepped her bounds by touching Reppu’s horns, she’s pissed Fenix off, and she’s pissed Eyshn off. Last of all, in doing so, she’s pissed me off as well. These are my friends. Dear friends, and if she can’t actually act decently and in a considerate manner then she’s going to be the one gone, not them.

I feel terrible, giving out ultimatums like this. I haven’t put it forth yet, but I’m going to if this happens again. I already know that Eyshn has probably lost a decent chunk of respect for me–if she even had any in the first place.

How was I so fucking stupid? I knew this would end badly, but I still just went with it. For what? The instant gratification? The short-lived pick-me-up of somebody telling me they love me until I feel better? Is that what I am? I just live off rebound to rebound?

[A few large spatterings of ink mark the page here.]

I got angry. I threw the book. It’s fine. I could do with Zho to lean on right now. Just somebody, anybody to hold me and give me some reassurance that not everything is going to shit.

Speaking of Zho. Gods, she looks gorgeous with her hair like that. She should’ve told me she was a natural ginger. It genuinely looks beautiful on her.

At least I ended this entry on a happy note. I think I’ll see her tomorrow.

Feeling Better

-15th Sun of the 1st Astral Moon

Well, I guess I feel better now. I don’t know if writing it down helped or whether I’m just doing the usual.

U’xi kept trying to bug me anytime I wanted to write yesterday so I decided not to bother. Apparently she got paralyzed by some kind of poison from her sister. I didn’t care for details, so I didn’t ask for them. She also said she got kicked out of Ki’lari’s family, so… maybe there is hope? I miss her in some way. It was nice to have somebody to vent to, and I guess groping tits is a good way to destress. I don’t know if I should let her know and give her the satisfaction. I know if I do she’ll get worse with her affections, but maybe that isn’t such a bad thing.

I still don’t know what I want in regards to affection. First it was R’i, then just fooling around with some other girls, then Reppu, then Zho. And now it’s U’xi? Maybe. Going into heat every other weekend doesn’t make anything easier, either. I’m just glad that for the most part I’m good at hiding the fact that I’d fuck anybody that moves. It used to be much worse. I think Eyshn had her suspicions way back, but those are gone. I hope.

Either way, I still feel something for all of those people. Sometimes I wonder if Reppu was set on dodging me, first with Yue and now Leanne. I suppose that people would consider that paranoid, and I suppose they would be right. I wonder if she ever even considered how I was feeling during those times.

Zho is flaky, at best. I felt like I could be with her, and then she just never made up her mind. One night we’re kissing and being close on the couch and then suddenly she asks to stop and feels guilty. I could understand while she was with Tails. I suppose I was totally in the wrong there. How, however, it’s like she’s still with him, or she thinks she is. Nothing gets far with her, and I just don’t feel the same way.

And then there’s this asshole. U’xi doesn’t really seem like somebody I’d even consider, I suppose. We argue, we insult, and for the most part we hate each other. Or I hate her. However, even with all that we just seem to mesh, somehow. And then we just sort of channel all that bitchiness and bile into actually caring about each other. I don’t get it. I just feel comfortable with her.

Maybe this is helping. I feel calm right now. It is early, I suppose. There’s plenty of time for somebody to piss me off. Time to get back to work. How do people even close these entries? A goodbye? It’s a fucking book, not a person.

Writing Exercise

-13th Sun of the 1st Astral Moon

So I have a journal now. Fenix seems to think that it would be good writing exercise and a good outlet for my thoughts. I don’t really know what I should be writing down in here, really.

I suppose I should start by writing how I feel recently, with everything that’s been going on. I feel angry. I feel alone. It’s what I’m always saying whenever people pry. I hate it when they do, really. All that happens is that it brings up all the crap that I’ve been ignoring and it breaks me down a little more each time.

Fenix saw me cry a few nights ago. Maybe sometime last sennight. I don’t think I’ve cried in front of somebody for a long while. I feel so angry with myself for it, too. Now he’s trying to act like he cares and I don’t think I have any way to really stop him working his way in and trying to make things better. It’s going to bring up so many years of this shit that I’ve been dealing with and it’s going to feel awful.

U’xi stopped by again today. I’ve been doing some machinistry for her. I wish I could just tell her to leave and not come back, but she’s going to do so regardless. She had a dream, apparently. A dream about her and I being mates and having kids or something fucking stupid–[the sentence here is crossed through and scribbled out]. Nevermind.

She was close. At one point. I felt like I did love her. And then she started comparing me to Kris all the time. And talking about her family and how they wouldn’t allow it. I couldn’t deal with that. So that was it. I tried to act like nothing was going on so that people didn’t know and mock me for it, considering how much I used to hate her, but with everything piling up it was either obvious or it slipped out.

I just wish she would fuck off with her oh-so-smart attempts to try and get into my head. She thinks she’s so clever, but she is so fucking dense. It’s unreal. All she thinks about is me-

I thought Fenix said this writing would help me deal with my emotions. Now I’m just angry and upset. This doesn’t work.