Purpose

– 19th Sun of the 6th Umbral Moon

Wallowing in my loneliness will get me nowhere. Happiness won’t come and find me if I don’t make an effort to change the way things are. I left Winds because I needed to, and now I will find a place, because I need to.

Or make one.

Eyshn was right, as she often is. She said to me that I needed to find a passion. I told her I had many, and none were viable to keep me happy, but I was wrong, as I often am. Just because what I do with my talents now does not satisfy me does not mean that I can’t find a way to employ them which does.

To my knowledge, I still stand as one of the most experienced Eorzeans when it comes to dealing with machina and magitek of all kinds. Others may have more specialised experiences, but I would wager that few can claim a wider field of expertise than myself.

We have seen a surge in the number of mechanical threats in recent years. Not only do the Garleans threaten us daily with their warmachina, ancient relics of Allag yet remain, and now it would seem that Primals themselves are capable of fashioning some manner of machina.

Yet, still, we face even more than that. While foreign forgekin and machina threaten us, few look within our own borders, to the goblins or the kobolds, or even some of the ancient constructs of the Mhachi and Amdapori.

And our solution to all of these thus far? Throw men at them until they cease moving. Throw lives at machines that could be overcome with far cleaner methods if we had but the understanding, the insight into their cogwork.

I have been considering tutoring a class at Higura’s University for some time. It would seem that has either not yet, or will not, come to fruition at all, judging by her complete lack of response save ‘I’ll get back to you’. As if I had not heard that tens upon tens of times before.

Yet while that avenue may be closed to me, others remain. My renewed contract with the Immortal Flames could yet buy me some influence. Surely they would not offer a contract to one they believed lacking in their field, and surely they would listen to the advice of one so readily trusted. Especially in the field of combating Imperial (and other) threats.

I always find myself concerned when I have these kinds of ideas, but the worst that could happen is that I am denied. Why not try, after all?

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Blank Slate

– 17th Sun of the 6th Umbral Moon

And thus the year draws to a close, as the work and company of the last two.

I quit Winds of Hope. My drinking was getting worse, and my temper as well. I needed a break, some time away from all the petty drama that the Company seemed to breed, and away from Reppu.

I care for her still. I have seen her at her sweetest, and I’ve seen the good in her heart, but recently that side of her sees no spotlight. She has become sullen in comparison to what she used to be. Her temper flares as much as mine, and nothing the Company does ever seems to satisfy her. For once I don’t think the Company is at fault so much as she.

So, for now, I am to go it by myself again. I’ve renewed my trades contract with the Immortal Flames. They have a new clause specifically forbidding direct employment under another Grand Company’s Free Company, or something to that affect. I am, honestly, surprised it had not come sooner. Perhaps they did not wish to force a sudden change of contract while it was still active.

I have returned to true metalworking. As much as it pains me, there is little place for an independent engineer with no organisation backing them. So, I am just another in a sea of smithies, plying boring arms and armour.  There are no grand machina nor magitek in demand now, and if there were, I doubt my coffers could support endeavours into that field for long without the support of a Free Company.

I feel lost. Lost and alone. While I have friends that remain, I feel I have no family, and no purpose once more. I am stronger than I was before, and I am resolved not to seek the easy escape from this monotony as I once planned to. I simply have to continue. To solider on until the Spinner graces me with a fortunate turn of fate.

 

I never did like relying on the Twelve.