– 30th Sun of the 4th Astral Moon
This book is covered in dust. I don’t know how long I left it sitting around unused, but it’s managed to collect enough to be able to draw in.
I can’t say I blame myself. This book is host to a lot of bad memories: U’xi, Reppu, all unrest with Zho. I think those drown out the good ones, for me. That said, I would be nothing if all I did were dwell on the events of the past.
The R’das who sat every night nursing a bottle and praying for the end is gone. The R’das who would pine for the affections of one who used her is gone. I am what my past has made me, but my past no longer dictates the actions I take now, no matter how strong the anger I harbour in my heart.
And it is anger. Contempt. Unbridled rage. For too long I’ve sat and let my life spiral uncontrollably downwards, and for too long have I convinced myself that it was beyond repair – that this was how it was supposed to be.
So, we start anew.
The Company is in shambles. Projects have ground to a halt with nary a word spoken of them. My treasurer has yet to return from Kugane and I’ve done nothing about it.
My relationship is a bad joke, with both the punchline and the significant other absent.
Thankfully, I can fix all of this. I will fix all of this.
I will be speaking with Zho at my earliest convenience and informing her that while I’m happy to remain with her, I need to look for emotional support from other sources as well. I can’t soldier on by myself, not anymore now that my years are climbing and my lifestyle is becoming more stationary.
As for the Company…I’ll go to Kugane myself and drag that coin-goblin back with my own hands if I must. We’ve been accruing money from the Flames and I’m not entirely sure what we can put it towards. Dancers for the bar, maybe? Think I know a few from the old days.