– 30th Sun of the 1st Astral Moon

I only write when I’m sad or angry. That’s why this book is full of nothing but sadness and anger. I think it helped once, but now I feel nothing. There’s no relief or cathartic  catharcism  catharsis(?) to be had here.

Another morning, another empty bed. I can’t get used to it. I left the house today, at least, wandered the avenues of Ul’dah. I stopped at the usual bakery and without thinking about it I ordered a dozen cinnamon buns. The little lalafell smiled as she handed them over. Her smile faded as she saw the look on my face. I was on the verge of tears. I’d forgotten, again. I don’t know if she knew, or whether I wear my heart so plainly on my sleeve, but she refused to take my coin.

So, now I have a dozen cinnamon buns sitting on my table I can’t bear to look at, much less eat. She loved the smell, and the taste. I associated them with her, with the happiness she brought. And now all that’s left is a empty void in my chest. I’m shaking. I’ve slept but it feels like it was an eternity ago. I’m exhausted.

I yearn – no, pray – for the day I wake up from this lonely nightmare. There’s nobody here. It’s just me, alone with my sadness.

It’s funny, how it all comes full circle. Maybe it is time to finish what I planned to do all those cycles ago, when I was alone with my sadness. I think my saving grace came. There’s no shock of pink hair to save me this time. I wasted that chance and everything that came with it.


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